Only I Can Make the Life I Want A Reality

I’m the type of person who needs to stay busy. Why? Because if I’m not busy, I tend to fall into slumps where, for weeks on end, every day becomes unproductive. I stay in this state for quite a while, until ONE day, I get the motivation to try to accomplish something.

Once I take that first step to better myself, I work really hard to make sure I’m not half-assing whatever it is that I’m working on. After all that “hard” work of being productive, I sit back and see where it all takes me. Once I get validation from someone that I’m doing well, I get all excited and pumped up to work on the next big thing.

In my ideal world, I’d always stay in this go-getter phase. However, I’ve found that it’s been pretty hard to do especially post-graduation. I wonder if it’s because for the first time in about 18 years, I don’t have a short term plan and don’t know where life is going to take me.

It excites me!

…But it scares me.

What if I choose a path that ends up leading me to a dead end? Then, by the time I make it back to the beginning, it’s too late and the path I should’ve taken is not an option anymore?

I know life is supposed to be trial and error. I know what I want. I want to work abroad, and seek happiness. I want to love what I’m doing and make a difference in the world.

But for some reason, there’s always that little tiny seed of doubt — that need for a blanket of security. I want to let go and go with the flow, but my brain won’t let me do that right now.

My hope is that I can spend the next few months (or the whole year if needed) following a traditional route. Get a job, gain some experience in the professional working environment. I then plan to just take off and see where life will bring me. Maybe I’m meant for bigger things! I’ll never know, if I never try. 

One thing I DO know is that I can no longer be in my unproductive state of mind. I have always known that I can’t sit here and wait for opportunities, because life doesn’t work that way. You get what you put into it. I just have to constantly remind myself: DON’T BE LAZY!

So, that’s what’s been on my mind lately.

If anyone has any words of motivation, stories, or worries they’d like to share with me I’d love to hear from you! I know most people my age are going through the same thing so let us bond in this ultimate struggle of our current generation.

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